Command Purpose in conversation with an active duty officer supporting Afghan women

By Leigh DeBord

The drawdown and subsequent airlift out of Afghanistan has hit the Command Purpose community, and all veterans, incredibly hard. We as a community have felt a wide range of emotions and many have struggled to find the words to articulate them. During the chaos of the past few weeks, we have leaned on each other for support. In listening to the stories of women who served in Afghanistan, particularly those who worked closely with Afghan women, our community has begun to process the ending to America’s twenty-year war. 

Here, we share the story of one of those women. 

Ruthie Zargan is an active duty Army officer. She previously worked as part of a cultural support team in Afghanistan while on deployment, and over the last month has worked diligently to help Afghan women find refuge from their country now controlled by the Taliban.

Command Purpose: What was your experience like working with Afghan women as part of a Cultural Support Team (CST)?

Ruthie Zargan: As a CST I worked with a small group of Afghan women who volunteered to serve their country in the Afghanistan National Army. The six months that I spent working alongside and becoming friends with these women was one of the most meaningful and rewarding experiences of my life. 

This group of women broke through a glass-ceiling that was once unobtainable for Afghan women to even reach. These women worked long hours away from home on back-to-back deployments to be able to have an income of their own and provide for their families. They wake up each morning and report to work with the hopes of a brighter future for themselves and for their country. All these women are daughters, sisters, and some of them mothers. They are smart, brave, wise, strong, courageous, and resilient. They are true fighters.

CP: How did the women you worked with view their own country and what was their view of America? How did they feel training with you and being part of the Afghan National Security Force?

RZ: All the women I worked with love Afghanistan. They love their country so much. They all volunteered to join the Afghan National Army or Police to serve, defend and fight for the future of their country. I believe all of them are thankful for the American presence in Afghanistan for the past two decades. Although Afghanistan is a war-torn country, America helped secure and stabilize it. Women were able to move freely throughout the country—have jobs and go to school.

I think there is a misconception about Afghans and the way they view their country. Yes—a lot of Afghans did want to leave the country if able. However, I think a lot of Afghan men and women wanted to stay. Afghanistan is their home—no one wants to leave their home and their families if they have a choice. Americans are so quick to think that everyone who does not live the way we do wants to. This is simply not true.

CP: Can you explain your cross-cultural friendship and how it is different from a friendship with a fellow American woman?

RZ: This is a tough question to answer. 

While deployed I became very close with one Afghan woman. We were with each other every day. We worked out together, ate together, and spent a lot of our free time talking and learning about one another. We did one another’s hair and make-up, listened to music, danced, watched movies, and read books together. She taught me so much about Afghan society and explained to me cultural norms that I did not understand. 

After I left, we stayed in touch and remained very close. Unfortunately, she was murdered a month ago. When I look back at our friendship, I am so thankful and feel blessed that we had the opportunity to be in one another’s lives. She taught me that even when times are tough, I need to wake up everyday and be thankful for the opportunities I have. She is my daily reminder that even when times are tough, life itself is a blessing. 

The friendships I made with Afghan women changed me. They humbled me. These women have so much in their lives they could complain about—money, food, clean water, family, boyfriends and husbands, their homes, etc. – but they don’t. These women never complained or wanted any sympathy from anyone. It is refreshing and allows the friendship to develop on a deeper level. 

It’s different from the relationships with American women solely for this reason. In American female friendships, a lot of women feel the need to complain about superficial things or their status in life. And sadly, a lot of women form friendships with other women to help elevate this status. We fail to form meaningful human connection based on our core values, beliefs, and shared experiences. 

I lost my dear Afghan friend unexpectedly last month. She was brutally killed days before the evacuations started. I was devastated, sad, and angry. I felt regret and guilt that I did not try harder to help her leave Afghanistan sooner. I felt helpless that I could not do more for her family and friends after her death. I did not understand why she was the one who had to die. I still don’t understand. 

I turned to God and my faith in Jesus Christ to help cope with the grief I was feeling. I know that God is sovereign and the pain and suffering I feel is exactly why Jesus came and died. Knowing and trusting in this, I find peace. 

I am surrounded by a group of women who were also friends with this Afghan woman. We can talk about her, remember her, and honor her.

CP: What does Afghanistan mean to you and how have the events of the last month impacted you?

RZ: Afghanistan holds a special place in my heart. I absolutely loved the people I met and worked with there, both men and women. I formed life-long friendships with Afghan men and women. It was tragic watching the situation in Afghanistan unravel. I knew that my friends and their families’ lives were now in grave danger and if the Taliban found them, they would be brutally attacked or killed. I felt helpless at times. However, I was able to find small ways to help protect them and help get them to safety.Thankfully, a lot of the Afghan women I worked with and their families are safely evacuated from Afghanistan and are in the process of transitioning to new lives in the United States. The transition process is slow and at times overwhelming. I have been helping navigate the resettlement process for these women and it is complicated with a lot of unknowns. These women just experienced an extremely traumatic event. A lot of them are still in the grieving process and have not had the opportunity to discuss and cope with their feelings. However, they are forced to push these feelings aside to make huge decisions about their futures and adjust to a new culture. It is extremely daunting.

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Ruthie is one of the many active duty troops, veterans and volunteers working hard to uphold America’s promise to protect our Afghan allies. She and others like her bring a moment of peace in the emotional turmoil we feel with respect to the situation in Afghanistan. We can take solace knowing that there is a generation of Afghan women who know freedom. The circumstances surrounding why they had to leave their country are sad, however, they now have a unique opportunity within the global community to become leaders and agents of change for future generations of women like them. We at Command Purpose are committed to supporting them as they navigate the transition and enter into new endeavors. 

Editor’s Note: The views expressed in this piece are solely those of the interviewee, and do not represent the official policy or position of the U.S. Army.