By Leigh Debord
When I think about my own military service, the people I served with, and the organization I served in, I can clearly define the character and the culture. It is a values based organization with leaders who provide purpose, direction, and motivation. It is an organization that has a very clearly defined purpose and a culture oriented to achieving it. In the military, it’s not about the individual. It is completely focused on the team and the mission.
I think for so many veterans, this is what makes our transition out of the military hard. Writing a resume, finding job listings, interviewing, and starting a new career is something we’ve never done before, but we are equipped with tools and resources to help us with that. It is the other layers of the transition out of the military that are challenging, traumatic, and can be debilitating to us.
We go through a literal culture shock when we leave the military. It can be challenging and debilitating. But not if we choose to find our grit.
We go through a literal culture shock. For so many years, we lived under a different set of social norms, embodied selfless service, and were part of a cause bigger than ourselves. We also sacrificed time with family, holidays, and many nights and weekends. We lost friends, teammates, and we lost parts of ourselves. In our last days of service, we were thanked for our service and then received our DD214 and drove off of our last duty station and woke up the next day to start a completely new life.
We woke up in our post-military lives to a culture of radical individualism. This is the fundamental difference between the military and the civilian world. Too often, we find ourselves looking to our leaders for purpose, direction, and motivation and instead of receiving that, we are told to “own our own development,” or “everything is a priority,” and our focus needs to be on whatever our boss decides is important at that moment. We are often seen as needy or incompetent because we ask for these things and we become very frustrated with the lack of leadership and conflicting guidance.
Being in this new environment can make us feel like outsiders, create self-doubt, and make us question who we are and what we believe to be true about ourselves. How do we combat these feelings and prevail in this environment?
In addition to the challenges we face in our new professions, we are also in a new community, surrounded by people who cannot share in our life experiences and we find it hard to relate to them. We move from an organization that is focused on something bigger than the individual to a culture focused on the self; where short-term gains and instant gratification take precedence over patience and short-term sacrifice for long-term results. Being in this environment can make us feel like outsiders, create self-doubt, and make us question who we are and what we believe to be true about ourselves. How do we combat these feelings and prevail in this environment?
I was at my church on Reformation Sunday and our minister, Dr. David Swanson, offered a sermon about the process of change, and his analysis really helped me understand my transition out of the Army. First he said, healthy things grow and growing things change. We knew the military was not permanent and at some point, our career would come to an end.
Healthy things grow and growing things change.
Moving from the military to the civilian sector brings about fast growth and rapid change. It can be really uncomfortable for many different reasons. Change demands emotional effort and physical energy. There is a huge fear that the energy and effort we put forth might not be worth it or we might fall short. Many times, we hear our inner voice express these sentiments. We need to be deliberate in our actions and take calculated risks, just like we did in the military. If our initial effort doesn’t work out, we can conduct an after action review, find something valuable to take with us, put our fear aside, and try again. Change challenges us.
Another aspect of change is that change equals loss. When we leave the military, we go through a grieving period. We lose our community, we lose a part of ourselves, and a life that we will never live again.
In addition to these losses, we feel that we lose our sense of purpose. We need to give ourselves the grace to grieve. Feeling sad and vulnerable does not erode our mental toughness and it does not make us weak. We need to grieve. It is a normal process of life and a required step in change.
Grit is what made us push through adversity when we were in the military. It is what is required to push through adversity in the civilian sector. It is what makes us different.
We have to let go of what was, in order to make room for what is to come. We have to move forward. Our service is an irreplaceable part of who we are and just because we leave the military, does not mean the value or purpose of our service diminishes after our service ends. Our purpose and value must transition with us.
During this period of change, we have to find our grit — grit is something that veterans have in abundance. Grit is what made us push through adversity when we were in the military. It is what is required to push through adversity in the civilian sector. It is what makes us different.
The transition from the military to daily life in the civilian sector calls on that grit and deeply challenges us. There are two ways we can respond to these challenges: we can conform and give in, or we can lean in to what made us successful in the military, bring it with us into the civilian world, and embrace whatever comes our way. We are resilient and we cannot let our transition into the civilian world be the thing that beats us.
Once we reconnect with our grit, we have to lead with it — in honor of the military, for the friends and teammates we lost, and for the part of ourselves we will never get back.
At Command Purpose, we believe that the fundamental need of veterans when they make the transition out of the military is a renewed sense of purpose and value. It is these two things that provide the motivation and direction required to be successful after transitioning out.
Our organization gives veterans an opportunity to create their personal vision, mission, and end state — three familiar operational principles to any military veteran. It is these principles that provide our members with a framework to intentionally execute their everyday life.
Reflecting on their service — their triumphs and the experiences that tested their character — builds confidence and solidifies core values. Staying true to our core values and finding success in doing so sustains the confidence required to hold fast in environments pressuring us to change. The courage and conviction to stay true to what we believe keeps us healthy.
As we make our transition from the military into our next season of life as civilians (veterans), we must conduct a gut check on ourselves and find our grit. Once we reconnect with our grit, we have to lead with it — in honor of the military, for the friends and teammates we lost, and for the part of ourselves we will never get back.
Veteran women are fiercely passionate and determined. Veteran women are incredibly hardworking. Veteran women are resilient. Once we identify our direction and motivation, there is nothing that can stop us from achieving our goals. Come join the Command Purpose community and get gritty with us as we navigate uncertainty and the process of change.