By Leigh DeBord
Strong, resilient, confident, competent, self-assured, professional, and tough. These are the words that come to mind when I think about the women I served with in the military. As women in a predominantly male profession, we learn to find our voice and make our presence known in our units and on the battlefield. So why is it that when we leave the military and enter the civilian world, the self-confident women we were seem to get lost in the transition and we find ourselves seemingly without a place in the world? Why do we begin second guessing ourselves when we step out of the uniform?
Companies want to hire us. We are a demographic that checks their diversity boxes — veteran women — and we bring a skill set that the corporate world desperately needs: leadership. We know how to think strategically, set goals and priorities, and build teams to accomplish missions. We understand how to live true to our values and use our moral compass to make decisions. We know how to authentically lead, yet, when we make the transition, many of us feel like we have lost a part of ourselves and question who we are. As a therapist told me while I was making my own transition, I was grieving for a part of my life that was no more. As I reflected on my feelings, she was right. It felt like I lost my career, my success, and how I defined myself as a person; a soldier. Now that time has passed and I have listened to many other stories of comrades who have made the transition from the military into civilian life, it solidified my belief that the therapist was right. We are grieving a life we will never live again.
I think many of us struggle because we do not let ourselves grieve. We think we are just making a career change and that the corporate sector is like the military, just without the commitment of giving yourself to the organization. Instead of processing our feelings and going through the stages of grief, we just skip to the last stage, acceptance and hope. We are strong women with great success, why should we be sad and depressed? The military did not teach us to be weak. What if, however, we recognized that we are grieving and we took time to process our loss?
Maybe we would accept and process that feeling of disbelief or shock that, “|Wow, my career is over and now it’s time to move on.” We would have a better understanding of the pain and guilt followed by anger and bargaining that we experience in our new job because we have not gotten over the loss of our old job. We would understand that feeling depressed is a natural progression in the stages of grief. Maybe if we understood that feeling depressed is part of the healing process, we wouldn’t let it creep into other aspects of our life. If we were able to tackle these stages of grief and process these feelings, maybe we would understand ourselves better and be more mentally prepared to focus on the upward turn and reconstruct ourselves post-military. Instead of trying to deal with the stages of grief while fighting through the stress of starting a new career, maybe we would be able to better accept that the military is no longer our life and we could rebrand ourselves. We should focus on what made us successful in the military and bring it into the civilian world, instead of letting the civilian world rebuild us.
The crux of the flagship workshop of the Command Purpose Foundation is to remind you of who you are and help you identify who you want to become. During the workshop you will review your career and pivotal moments (good and bad) that shaped you into the woman you are. You will use those points as a springboard to create your personal mission statement and begin the journey of defining your command purpose. As veteran women, when we leave the military we want to leave the uniform behind but take our self-worth and purpose with us as we enter the next season of life. The first step toward transforming yourself post-military into the woman you want to be is finding your command purpose.
This post spoke to my heart. Thank you.