By Leigh DeBord
The year 2021 is coming to an end and we are preparing to bring in the new year. During the holiday season, we spend time reflecting on what we are grateful for and we prepare our New Year’s resolutions. We identify areas we want to change and steps we are going to take to become a better version of ourselves. For many of us, our New Year’s resolutions are oriented towards outcomes. Get in better shape, improve relationships with friends or parents, volunteer more, complete a challenge (marathon, GRE, acceptance into grad school). Command Purpose is challenging you to use 2022 as a journey to find your purpose and to write resolutions that will help you achieve it.
We need to stop looking to others to tell us who we are meant to be and what we are meant to do. We need to stop being afraid of our egos, tell our inner critics to be quiet, and stop asking others what’s best for us.
In her book, Who You Were Meant To Be, the author Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, explains our ultimate direction has to come from the still, small voice inside us, from synchronicities and serendipities, from moments of enlightenment, and moments of hitting rock bottom. If we don’t know what we enjoy, we don’t know who we are.
As veteran women, when we leave the comfort zone of our military careers, we start looking for validation from others. We have never been in the civilian world and therefore, someone who has industry experience, recruiters, or fellow service members who have already made the transition are better equipped to tell us our value and what we should do. This is the biggest fallacy we tell ourselves and are made to believe during our transition. We need to stop looking to others to tell us who we are meant to be and what we are meant to do. We need to stop being afraid of our egos, tell our inner critics to be quiet, and stop asking others what’s best for us. We must start asking ourselves, who are we waiting for permission to start our lives?
At Command Purpose this year, we have focused time and attention on identifying our inner critic and ways to live harmoniously with it. We also started exploring our inner mentor. We discussed how it can feel selfish to take time for yourself and reflect on who you are and what you want out of life.
As veteran women, we are experts at taking calculated risks.
Being in constant conflict with your inner critic or being paralyzed by fear can lead to self-destruction. It can create feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, frustration, anger, and despair because you are denying your true self. If you are not right with yourself, you cannot authentically serve others. Your true self resides in your soul and it is persistent. It will send you signals, emotions and physical sensations that make you aware of when you are aligned with your true self and when you are denying your true self.
Dr. Gibson says the most helpful question you can ask yourself to clarify your true wishes is, “What is the experience I want to have everyday?”. If you are like me and don’t know yet what you want, Dr. Gibson says your soul’s desire might come a little clearer if you ask yourself, “What do I not want to do every single day?”
Our answers to these questions can make us feel scared and may require us to take risks in order to achieve our true selves. Risk can be a terrifying thing. As veteran women, though, we are experts at taking calculated risks. We conducted risk management everyday in our jobs in the military. The only change between doing it in the military and doing it in the civilian world is that we are not seasoned at taking risks as civilians and that can make us feel like there is more to lose.
Throughout this journey, you need to practice persistence and endurance. Your inner critic and your ego will be out in full force trying to prevent you from pursuing your dreams.
In the book Mindset, Dr. Carol Dweck suggests thinking through the worst possible outcome of any decision we make. She says the outcome we imagine is usually far worse than the outcome we arrive at after running through the scenario. We cannot let fear be the thing that prevents us from living our purpose.
Who You Were Meant To Be contains a Map of Growth that Dr. Gibson created. It starts at dissatisfaction, moves to a feeling of longing, followed by dreaming. These three stops on your way to growing mean you are tired of what you are putting up with and there is a mismatch between where you are now and where you want to be. You start by feeling like something is missing from your life, and you begin dreaming of something different. The next stop is collecting information — you begin exploring, researching, and learning about things you’re interested in. Then you begin to plan and refine your plan. Next you are ready to take action toward reaching your new goal and you continue to learn and adjust your plan as new information comes.
Healthy things grow and growing things change — this is the natural progression of life.
Throughout this journey, you need to practice persistence and endurance. Your inner critic and your ego will be out in full force trying to prevent you from pursuing your dreams. With the knowledge you have about these forces, you know how to identify and silence them. Eventually, you will find success. Success in this case is defined as occurring when the state of longing and dissatisfaction has lifted and you feel like you are living your dream instead of daydreaming about it. Success is living out your purpose.
Healthy things grow and growing things change — this is the natural progression of life. When you are making your 2022 New Year’s resolutions, think about the questions above. Who am I waiting on for permission to start my life? What is the experience I want to have everyday? What do I not want to do every single day? Draft your resolutions so that they are oriented toward your purpose.
We at Command Purpose hope that 2022 brings you fulfillment and joy. We hope that you achieve success as defined by Dr. Gibson. We hope that you recognize that your value is unique to you and no one else can determine what that is or take it away from you. We hope that 2022 is a great year of growth for you!